Alot of ya’ll have been asking me to start a list of Caramel Code so you can keep up with my lingo. Well, here you go. Now, if by chance your feelin’s get hurt, don’t trip out. A lot of this is how folks is callin’ it nowadays, not just me. Stoppin’ slang is like tryin’ to lasso the wind, chile. One of the twists of livin’ in a free world. Oh, but I reckon you knew that, didn’t you?
Heck, ‘fore long, ya’ll ‘ll be speaking it like natives anyway!
**************************
APPLE = An “apple” is a pain in the butt uh, uh, Caucasian person. (No offense.)
Now, slow down! I can’t change street slang, so don’t be mad with me! Plus, this does not mean that all uh, extremely very light… (Oh for heavens sake, I’ll just say it!), This does not mean that all white people are like that, ok crazy? Shut up with your pot stirrin’! It means specifically the one’s that act like they’re better than, know more, smell better, and should generally be worshiped or served way before anyone else. So, if this ain’t you, then don’t freak. (And yes, there’s a codeword for us too, so quit your grinnin’ brown folks!)
EXAMPLE: Like when some daft cow in a fur coat brushes in front of you in the block long bathroom line at Starbucks, stepping on your toes (with no, “I’m sorry”), and grabs the door handle like she’s next when it’s your turn! This person is an apple and you may, no matter what race you are, call her such. (You can also punch it up by adding little traits to create a more precise description. Like adding “crab” to get, “That damn crab apple nearly broke my toes off when she bogarded her way in front of me!”
NOTE: Let’s all stop pretending like these kind of white folks don’t exist. Or, if you happen to be white, stop getting all swole up with air ’cause you think I’m talking about you. I’m not. Wake up, ya’ll. I know your kinfolk embarrass you too, just like ours do. No one race is perfect, ok? So, quit with the heat!
BLOCKED = To cut off and deny someone access to you on Facebook on Myspace on cellphone etc. A communication freeze out.
EXAMPLE: Like when my good friend, Chocolate, is over folks, he’ll challenge them by saying, “Step up haters. You’ll just get blocked!”
CANDIED APPLE = An apple that’s high off their own sugar.
EXAMPLE: Like when the Republican party thinks America should disregard their VP’s (Palin’s ) unwed, pregnant teenage daughter as a smudge on her resume after they’ve shoved the slogan, “family values” down our throats for so long, it’s now used as a punchline on comedy shows or in comedic monologues.
F2 = A fixin’ to. Somebody who don’t know who the hell they are, what the hell they want, or where the hell they’re going from one minute to the next. They’re always just a fixin’ to do something, but… Usually, they’re rich or privileged by proxy and don’t know zip ’cause they’re used to ridin’ on they momma’s or daddy’s coat tails.
EXAMPLE: Like when you’re up to your neck in debt ’cause you broke your foot and had no health insurance, and some F2 who’s never done a thing for themselves in their life says something like, “You don’t have health insurance?! But you work. What have you been spending your money on? You should have just paid the doctor bill and then bought yourself some instead of putting everything on a credit card.”
Fancy Pants = A high falutin’ so and so who thinks they’re too good for what regular folks thinks is fine. No matter what it is, they’ve had, knew, and done better. They order the most expensive thing on the menu every time when you all go out, or they look down with a sniff as if summering in North Carolina is beneath doing so in the Hamptons. (Who cares! As long as I gets to “summer” at all, honey, I’m grinnin’!)
JMac = John McCain.
Mr. O-soon-to-be-P = Barack Obama.
PULL = S*** you’d just about kill somebody over to get and keep. (Only way to put it.)
Not addiction to money, heroine, etc. An undying connection to something that nothing can make you quit. It’s in your blood. There’s no rehab for this, and everybody’s got a “pull”. It’s kind of like your price tag, in a way. And before you make yourself look ridiculous, EVERYBODY HAS A PRICE! Some are real low and some are so high they may seem priceless, but it’s there, sugah, trust me, it’s there. And since your price is all up in and attached to your “pull”, it dictates just about everything you say or do.
EXAMPLE: Like when you run yourself in the ground from being there for any and everyone, but your own stuff is out of order, and it’s all because your daddy never paid you no mind. (i.e. “Poor Francine, she’s about to run herself in the ground for her man. It took her ending up laying in the hospital from exhaustion before Joe noticed. It don’t make no sense, she still with him.”) Joe is not Francine’s “pull”, his attention is. In fact Joe is the price she pays for her pull.
SUBTEXTED = A crafty dishing out of “shade” via back-handed compliments. Sometimes expanded to “subtexteded”.
EXAMPLE: Like when someone says, “Girl, you look so skinny in that dress. You should get one in every color.”, and you believe them, and you weigh close to 300lbs. (You was just “subtexted” so good, you didn’t even know it!)
VaPid Mrs. P =VP candidate Sarah Palin.
